the college life

So, I'm new at this, blogging that is, so bear with me. Its my third day of college. Technically it's not even college yet, just pre-season training camp. I play for the Utah State University Women's Soccer team; well I wish I played. Right now it's just practice. Two a days, well three a days for the slow people like me who didn't pass the fitness test. A normal day for an Aggie goes like this: wake up around 7:30, practice from 8-10, extra fitness till 10:30, pool workout for a half hour, lunch, nap for two hours, practice from 4-5:30, dinner, and an early bed time. My legs have never hurt so bad and I've never hated the sport I've loved since I was 5 as much as I do now. This is supposed to be the best years of my life, the college years, and all I wanna do is go home. I miss my mom and I miss my sister. I can't even remember the last time I went a long period I went without seeing either of them. I mean three days isn't really that long, but I feel like I've been up here for weeks. The days just don't seem to pass very fast. Last night I had my first breakdown. I knew it was coming soon and I wanted it to happen. Sometimes crying makes everything feel better. 

On the plus side, I love all of the girls on the team. All the other freshmen and I are getting along great (not something I was expecting). But they don't know who I am. The girl I've grown to be in the last year. It took a lot to let the people in my life see that person and I just don't know if I can open up like that this soon, just after three days. I miss being able to talk with my girls about things we all feel the same about. I miss Abbie. She understands me. I want to be able to open up like I can to her, but I don't know if it will happen. I feel so easily judged. I just want to move into my real dorm and be able to meet new people and get out and have some fun. I want our games to start and I  want to actually start in them. I want to feel excepted with the team and not have to try so hard to fit in. I want a lot of things, but the things I want rarely ever come true. I want to go home...